January 23, 2017
You guys, I’ve failed: I haven’t listened to Ann Coulter in 4 days (*upset, sips Soylent*).
Also, I realized that I won’t be able to pig out on Super Bowl Sunday. No beer, no dips, no chips; no nachos, no pretzels, no defrosted crispy bites; no quesadillas nor buffalo wings; no deviled eggs-
OH GOD DEVILED EGGS
You guys, there are too many delicious ways to devil an egg.
I want a Thanksgiving deviled egg with mashed potatoes, gravy, and-and-and teeny-weeny cranberry bits.
I want a McDonald’s deviled egg that’s just a ground beef with special sauce and-and-and an itsy-bitsy french fry.
I want a sour cream & onion deviled egg with dip and-and-and a woopy-poopy potato chip.
I want a garlic shrimp deviled egg with yellow rice and Spanish garlic shrimp with so much oil.
I want a macaroni and cheese deviled egg.
I want an Indian deviled egg filled with curry.
I want a deviled Ostrich egg that’s deviled with a deviled chicken egg.
I want a sushi deviled egg that’s actually a raw egg on top of spicy tuna tartare mixed with mustard.
I want a fancy-as-fuck deviled egg that’s just filled with Beluga caviar.
I want an empanada deviled egg that’s just an empanada filled with deviled eggs.
I want a Chinese food deviled egg with fried rice and Sriracha.
I want a Chicken Tonight deviled egg.
I want a peanut butter and jelly deviled egg.
I want a wasabi deviled egg.
I want deviled egg soup.
I want a battered and deep-fried deviled egg.
I want a cannoli deviled egg with cream, chocolate chips, and powdered sugar.
I want a pickled deviled egg with a shot of whiskey in the yolk hole.
Please, send me a message – I can be discreet – no one will know it was you – I have money – just get me some goddam deviled eggs PLEASE.
P.S. Metrics, She Wrote