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January 12, 2017

I’ve listened to 3 hours of Ann Coulter this week, which is 3 more hours than Ann Coulter has listened to herself, ever. Here are some excerpts from our conversations:

Ann Coulter: Trump is like a Shakespearean “fool”: he seems crass because he speaks the truth.

Frank: Yah:

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

-Touchstone, As You Like It, V.1.2217

“The whole age of computer has made it where nobody knows exactly what is going on.”

– Donald Trump

Ann Coulter: Why are A-MARE-icans embarrassed to ask for ketchup at a French café if there’s no such thing as a national culture with distinctive characteristics?

Frank: What- what mean- does th- even- wh- does that- wut?

Ann Coulter: As A-MARE-ica diversifies, we might get better restaurants, but one of the negatives is that we pick up more corruption.

Frank: Ann – Ann, honey – listen to me: I don’t care how much corruption Swagath Gourmet or Sri Ganesh’s Dosa House are (apparently, quite apparently) contributing to the American political system, but don’t you fucking come near my masala dosa w/ coconut chutney. STEP OFF MY SAMBAR YOU DEMON

Ann Coulter: Liberal Retards

Frank: Oh fuck you Ann Coulter.

Drinking half a gallon of virtually buttermilk every day is easier than listening to this omniphobic nightmare for 20 minutes. And so I continue,

Ever yours,

Ever bloated,


P.S. Metrics, She Wrote